okay 2013, you were pretty fine

I did it! I traveled only to places I've never been to before for 2013. (we must exclude Malaysia cause I go there on a yearly basis)
Seoul Mar 2013
Hong Kong Jun 2013
Nanjing/Shanghai Dec 2013

Lovely, all three trips were super awesome, eye opening and fantastic experiences. Also I went each with lovely people. Have two trips planned for next year already. Life is good. Heh.

Work wise there was the HTPC which I was the main staffer to organise. Honestly not something I would like to repeat. But once again, truly a learning experience where I was able to be at different points of view and understand different perspective. I don't regret it, but I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

Next year I will be TWENTYSEVEN. omg. So old. Hahaha. But then I'm starting to believe life only happens when you're 30. Financially stable, emotionally...mature enough yet still damaged. Lol.

2014 will be the year of marriages. Unfortunately not mine. Already I have 7 weddings to attend next year. And all are of really good friends. The kind where I cannot miss. SEVEN. But I'm truly happy to attend these.

This year I attended too many funerals, while it's part and parcel of life and growing up, I look at my own parents are really hope they live a long and good life. As I look at Popo, she is showing signs of dementia, I think of how little I have done for her. So while she is alive, I must take the chance to do all that I can.

Thank you 2013, it's been good, may 2014 be just as kind.

it's always a little sad when something ends.

姑婆 passed away Friday. She died in her sleep, which is honestly the best way to go for old people. No suffering, no pain, just silently sleep away.

I don't have many fond memories of her. You know how people say kids always have a certain way of knowing they are not liked. Well, let's just say I never felt really comfortable under her scrutiny.

Still, I'm glad there was no pain for her. She was a fussy old lady but circumstances made her that way.

The wake is more like a gathering for my mom, aunt and their then neighbours though. They even go around taking photographs. I mean she did live a long good life. So it really was one of those celebrate her life funerals rather than those sudden sad ones.

Is that what lies ahead of me 30 years later? Friends only gathering because someone has died. Typical Singaporean Chinese future?

But I guess when it happens, it happens.

Be happy.

I've always believe in positive thinking. Or rather, I tend to not want to dwell on unhappy memories. While I learn lessons, what is the point of moping about it all?

But do I then lack reflection and review? As I block out the unhappiness do I actually miss out on learning?


When WSX passed, a teacher told me that such events, we go through to learn, and in this case learn to treasure my friends. And I remember sobbing saying "I'd rather not learn these lessons." Which she agreed.

I have this sinking feeling that you'll never know true happiness because you never know true sadness. Which means I'm missing out on a lot. I've blocked off a lot of unhappiness in my life, because I'm practical. Dwelling on the unhappy just isn't rational. Why should you care when others don't?

A cost benefit analysis. True happiness is not worth true unhappiness.

I think my mind has concluded that being numb and moderately happy is better than knowing true (un)happiness.