My hands are tied.

For all my bitching about my job and the retarded people I meet because of it, I do actually like my job and enjoy working. But the recent week has shown me the most frustrating thing about my job. I have to help undeserving people cover their asses by incessant nagging, but when there truly comes a case where I really want to help the person, my hands are tied. Tied by the very rules and regulations I have to enforce to help maintain a more equal system. I have of course, long realised there is no such thing as perfect equality, that there will always be subjectivity. But still it hurts to see the deserving be rejected, forgotten, be on the wrong side with lady luck.

If nothing, this job is making me admire the tenacity of the human spirit in spite of the idiots I see as well.

I fall ill in the most dramatic of ways.

Food poisoning has once again paid a visit to my stomach. Gaah, it was so sudden, in the morning I was running around arranging the breast cancer talk and at about 11 my stomach started feeling weird. By lunch time I couldn't even drink water, and on the cab to the doctor's I puked. I pretty much ate nothing so it was all water, still not the greatest feeling.

But luckily it's the weekend, and I may be ill and have to cancel all my appointments but at least I get to do things like become a bona fide couch potato and watch marathons of criminal minds. One excellent thing about working, I can forget everything during the weekend. :)

You mourn what is lost, I, what could have been.

and you will always make my heart flutter in the wind

to bad, perhaps, it's a steel sheet.

but it's sort of nice this feeling,

the wake up call to a thousand what ifs.

Nothing like a good book on a Sunday afternoon.

"It's hard for a man to ask a woman to marry him with an eight-foot wall of stakes and withy between them, especially if he happens to be dead at that time."

One fantastic result of graduating? I have learnt to love reading again. And I know I have a good book, when I forgo sleep and meal times just to finish reading the book in three days. As much as I hate cheesy love lines and romance chick flicks, I seem to see the beauty of them when in prose form.

"I've never thought of it like that," said Christopher. "How could I? If you were any other woman, I could tell you I loved you, easily enough, but not you - because you've always seemed to me like a part of myself, and it would be like saying I loved my own eyes or my own mind. But have you ever thought of what it would be to have to live without your mind or your eyes, Kate? To be mad? Or blind?" His voice shook. "I can't talk about it. That's the way I feel."

Happy smiles all around.

good food

sunshine

ice cream

and best of all,

good company.

makes for the perfect Saturday

:)

I don't mean to.

Today the upper study is out on a visit to XXX, so basically I have nothing much to do and no one to check on me so I end up just surfing the net a lot. they don't block many websites, but oddly they do blog gmail. But apparently you can still access porn. So right okay.

Anyways, point is I am slowly being driven to madness with the boring lack of things to do. And I'm just sitting at my desk hoping for something to happen. The worst thing is that not five steps from my cubicle is the two nsf boys who are having a ball of a time since my upper study is out. they are basically chatting and joking and listening to music AND OMG ALL I REALLY WANT TO DO IS PULL UP A CHAIR AND JOIN THEM.

Only, the moment I step into the room, they go deathly quiet and very politely and stiffly enquire if I need their assistence. HAIYOH. And the fact remains that while I am their supervisor, they are only one and two years younger than me. WE ALL USE GOOGLE.




On a whole other issue, I really think its true that boys in NS just stop using their brain, whether in the army or police. They seem to think cubicle walls are sound proof. Like lazing around and chatting instead of doing work, I can actually hear you guys slacking you know. And when you guys relax when the other heads are not around, I can tell you know. This is sort of strange.

Not entirely sure what to feel about this. But one thing is sure, there are some lovely people around.