okay 2013, you were pretty fine

I did it! I traveled only to places I've never been to before for 2013. (we must exclude Malaysia cause I go there on a yearly basis)
Seoul Mar 2013
Hong Kong Jun 2013
Nanjing/Shanghai Dec 2013

Lovely, all three trips were super awesome, eye opening and fantastic experiences. Also I went each with lovely people. Have two trips planned for next year already. Life is good. Heh.

Work wise there was the HTPC which I was the main staffer to organise. Honestly not something I would like to repeat. But once again, truly a learning experience where I was able to be at different points of view and understand different perspective. I don't regret it, but I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

Next year I will be TWENTYSEVEN. omg. So old. Hahaha. But then I'm starting to believe life only happens when you're 30. Financially stable, emotionally...mature enough yet still damaged. Lol.

2014 will be the year of marriages. Unfortunately not mine. Already I have 7 weddings to attend next year. And all are of really good friends. The kind where I cannot miss. SEVEN. But I'm truly happy to attend these.

This year I attended too many funerals, while it's part and parcel of life and growing up, I look at my own parents are really hope they live a long and good life. As I look at Popo, she is showing signs of dementia, I think of how little I have done for her. So while she is alive, I must take the chance to do all that I can.

Thank you 2013, it's been good, may 2014 be just as kind.

it's always a little sad when something ends.

姑婆 passed away Friday. She died in her sleep, which is honestly the best way to go for old people. No suffering, no pain, just silently sleep away.

I don't have many fond memories of her. You know how people say kids always have a certain way of knowing they are not liked. Well, let's just say I never felt really comfortable under her scrutiny.

Still, I'm glad there was no pain for her. She was a fussy old lady but circumstances made her that way.

The wake is more like a gathering for my mom, aunt and their then neighbours though. They even go around taking photographs. I mean she did live a long good life. So it really was one of those celebrate her life funerals rather than those sudden sad ones.

Is that what lies ahead of me 30 years later? Friends only gathering because someone has died. Typical Singaporean Chinese future?

But I guess when it happens, it happens.

Be happy.

I've always believe in positive thinking. Or rather, I tend to not want to dwell on unhappy memories. While I learn lessons, what is the point of moping about it all?

But do I then lack reflection and review? As I block out the unhappiness do I actually miss out on learning?


When WSX passed, a teacher told me that such events, we go through to learn, and in this case learn to treasure my friends. And I remember sobbing saying "I'd rather not learn these lessons." Which she agreed.

I have this sinking feeling that you'll never know true happiness because you never know true sadness. Which means I'm missing out on a lot. I've blocked off a lot of unhappiness in my life, because I'm practical. Dwelling on the unhappy just isn't rational. Why should you care when others don't?

A cost benefit analysis. True happiness is not worth true unhappiness.

I think my mind has concluded that being numb and moderately happy is better than knowing true (un)happiness.

Thank you.

I've had a great Birthday weekend and a few more celebrations to come this week.

But as my family gathered round for a simple birthday song, a sponge cake with one candle, it felt really good.

I'm thankful my family is still in good health to celebrate my birthday with me.

And really this is all that I need. :)

12 and 11

Dear friend,

I miss you very very much.

I miss what was, what could have been and what never will be.



I hope it's much better for you, wherever you are. The demons got to you in the end. And so I hope it set you free from them.


That is my consolation.

Things that could have been

I've taken to stalking the facebook profiles of people I guess I could once call friends. Now we are probably merely acquaintances with history.

It's a little sad. Such wonderful people I would have loved to continue having a steady relationship with. But sometimes the desire is not mutual and we just fade away. And for me, a large part of it was my JC life. A whole two years of my life which seem to be cut off, a blackout. Secondary was formative and university, the best years of my youth. So I guess JC kind of fell through the cracks. But still its with some regret that I look back and realise not any of my friendships then held on or developed further. And I used to call one, the sister I never had.

But much like how siblings never really get along and never really have a best friend relationship, ours faded with a lack of contact. Perhaps I was enjoying the new relationships I made in university.

So I guess it's just a messy ball of could have beens.

That is why I'm really glad that there are people in my life, that make time for me. Who drop by to say a little
greeting. Thank you.

And even now where work is 90% of my time, I will make that extra effort to meet you, to have a chat. Not because I know you will do the same. but honestly, because to me, you're worth it. :)

I wonder how long can this last.

I'm okay with growing old, not so okay with growing up.

Making grown up choices and decisions and making grown up steps.

It's all a little scary.

I want to be frivolous. I want to not care. Or care, but still do it anyway.



I went to Seoul last month. Pretty awesome cause I had good company. But yeah, I prefer Japan. I guess cause it's more familiar to me. But the lifestyle of a hipster coffee cup in one hand, some form of technology (iPadmini, macbook) in a nice cozy cafe is something I can totally get used to.

Of course there's the weather. Beautiful weather.

If I were a Boy.

I spent a good part of my childhood thinking this.

Sometimes it was lonely.

01/01 is just a convenient start date.

I never had the habit of making new year resolutions. Of if I made them, they were in jest or I never took them seriously.

And this year is the same. 01/01 is just a convenient start date. If I wanted to improve myself, the minute I realise where I am lacking should be when I start. Which I like to think is what I did in 2012.

As Nike puts it, Just Do It.

2012 was pretty awesome. Personal life was good. I tried keeping up with friends who matter to me and cut the fats of my life. MH got engaged and HJ got married off. Weddings are pretty fun when you're part of the bridal party. I've entered the stage in my life where my facebook feeds are weddings every weekend. And I enter it single.

I guess I am scared of the time when all my friends are married and family becomes number 1 priority and I am still living this irresponsible single lifestyle. 可是没人要！！ Also, I don't think I can give up this lifestyle so easily. A colleague turn friend asked me where do I see myself in 5 years. To be honest, excluding work/career, it'll be exactly what I am doing now. I really really enjoy my life now.

Speaking about work, 2012 was a CHALLENGE. And I made a decision to post out. Am actually very glad I took this step. I am very relief that this decision turned out to be a good one. New challenges face me and I am ready to take the bull by its horns. :)

Here's hoping that 2013 will be kind, that there be no terrible natural disasters that seem to have strike the world endlessly. Have a blessed year ahead all!