This is study Evelyn

or at least trying to study Evelyn. A+ for effort. F for results.

Yay me. D:

What do I want.

If there was one thing I took away from today's complete failure of an interview, it's that more and more I feel I am not suited for a government job.

3 months later this statement might bite me in the ass. But as I looked at the directors that interview me today, I asked myself, 10 years down, do I want their job? Would I be able to climb that high? Do I want to be them?

No.

Oh FRIED FOOD.

I think if I ever ever go on a real detox, it'll result in a complete failure.

It's day four of a virus induced detox (ie damn food poisoning) and I am craving fried food like mad. Especially sinful delicious fried chicken. oh god.

but my stomach literally trembles and shakes with the thought of putting anything greasy into it.

so. the point is. If I ever go on detox, I'll just ruin all the effort by gorging in sinful fried stuff after that. Then it's completely useless right?

Also, since I can't stomach all the greasy food, I've been craving all the high carb foods. Like waffles, and cakes and oreos AND THANKS AH CAMY, POST RAINBOW PANCAKES ON MY FB. I don't even usually like pancakes. Now I'm craving them like I crave chocolate.

Glorious glorious nutella.

not that I can stomach them either.

Aish. Such is life.

Like how I have another interview on Friday for a job I have not much idea on. And from what I can read on the website....I don't want it.

It's not like beggars can be choosers. But if I get stuck in a dead end job that technically pays enough to feed one mouth, the only drawback is seeing my parents face going all =| in an effort to not be all D: For some reason my Dad has high hopes for me, partly cause of his own hard climb to where he is today (earning a figure enough for me to muddle through life so far) and partly cause my brother is pretty much a lost case. Disappointment for me comes with not being able to make my parents happy, for not living up to their expectations. And its not like the pressure me into thinking this way. Hell, if he could I think my Dad would willingly let me bum my way through life forever. But it's time to give back Evelyn. The future is so uncertain right now. So full of opportunities, of success and failure.

I really hate feeling like a complete failure.