Being nasty

Today during dinner I was rude and sullen and they probably left the table thinking I was a horrible person. But to be honest, the alternative to me being rude was me being honest and nasty. So many nasty things I wanted to say. That I could (should) have say.

But I held it in, I'm not sure why.

Why do I care about certain things? When I don't need to.



I won't be here when you need me to.

What's important is you here me now.

Family went through a tough time recently. I'm just glad it's over and honestly I don't give my mother enough credit for being strong. She annoys the hell out of me sometimes but I know her weather-beaten hands went through a lot for me to be who I am today.

On a happier note, went for an impromptu kboxing session with ML and C yesterday. Have forgotten how fun it can be going for it with them. Absolutely hilarious. Also freaking obvious we are children of the 90s and early 2000s. We knew all the lyrics to the songs from boybands.

I'm grateful for what I have here and now. Things can be a lot better and also a lot worse. I have to remember as I strive to be better, to not forget, I don't have it bad. In fact far from it, but yes, I can make it better.

Reality

Every person I tell, it seems more real. I don't want to face it. I don't want to think about it.

But tomorrow I will be with you for it.