i'm not in happy mode. i feel kind off burnt out. ousted. i feel like i'm being humoured. like nice things done for me are just a show. i feel like i'm being treated as though i'm a fool. as though i can't see through lies.

but that's what sensitive (borderline paranoid) me can see through best. i know when people are trying to shake me off. i know it. i know it very well because it always happens to me.

i know i'm not very interesting. i know i'm not always nice. i know very well i have plenty of 'insert foot in mouth' moments. i know i'm weird, not by choice.

i have this urge to crawl back into my shell. but i'm a sucker for pain. i'll just put myself out there once again to get shot right through my body.