This is study Evelyn

or at least trying to study Evelyn. A+ for effort. F for results.

Yay me. D:

What do I want.

If there was one thing I took away from today's complete failure of an interview, it's that more and more I feel I am not suited for a government job.

3 months later this statement might bite me in the ass. But as I looked at the directors that interview me today, I asked myself, 10 years down, do I want their job? Would I be able to climb that high? Do I want to be them?

No.

Oh FRIED FOOD.

I think if I ever ever go on a real detox, it'll result in a complete failure.

It's day four of a virus induced detox (ie damn food poisoning) and I am craving fried food like mad. Especially sinful delicious fried chicken. oh god.

but my stomach literally trembles and shakes with the thought of putting anything greasy into it.

so. the point is. If I ever go on detox, I'll just ruin all the effort by gorging in sinful fried stuff after that. Then it's completely useless right?

Also, since I can't stomach all the greasy food, I've been craving all the high carb foods. Like waffles, and cakes and oreos AND THANKS AH CAMY, POST RAINBOW PANCAKES ON MY FB. I don't even usually like pancakes. Now I'm craving them like I crave chocolate.

Glorious glorious nutella.

not that I can stomach them either.

Aish. Such is life.

Like how I have another interview on Friday for a job I have not much idea on. And from what I can read on the website....I don't want it.

It's not like beggars can be choosers. But if I get stuck in a dead end job that technically pays enough to feed one mouth, the only drawback is seeing my parents face going all =| in an effort to not be all D: For some reason my Dad has high hopes for me, partly cause of his own hard climb to where he is today (earning a figure enough for me to muddle through life so far) and partly cause my brother is pretty much a lost case. Disappointment for me comes with not being able to make my parents happy, for not living up to their expectations. And its not like the pressure me into thinking this way. Hell, if he could I think my Dad would willingly let me bum my way through life forever. But it's time to give back Evelyn. The future is so uncertain right now. So full of opportunities, of success and failure.

I really hate feeling like a complete failure.

Fuck this.

It's always been like this.

I feel shit right now and it's not even self pity. I can barely get out of bed and you know it.

Or you would know it if you bother to care. If you bothered to call, if you bothered to pick up the damn phone to even text me.

Half the time you don't bother. I'm fucking tired of doing the chasing.

But three days later I'll be at it again. It'll be nice to actually hear a word of concern.

Sometimes I think you enjoy me chasing you, then offering scraps of attention to this attention seeking whore.

That's all I am to you anyway.

This is the week, I lived it like I have a hundred more.

The problem with being caught up with the 'finality' of things, you start to regret not doing more of this and that, you reminisce before you've even left. You miss out just being.

So I lived this final week 13, like I still have another semester left. I went out, went to school. Ate good food, ate school food. I studied, did last minute work. Took dozens of photos, looked a places I would have taken photos.

YingLing.Cherie.Rome.

Juan.Nails.Shoe.

Bear.Laksa.emobrand.

tkmummy.Biz.Rats.

Gown.Review.Sushi.

Cameras.ohsixers.smiles.laughter.

红豆冰.ahniuface.awesomecherie.

Helen.Rings.Food.

Awesome week everybody.

And now it's time for something new.

Hell Week

1. I guess I'm lucky enough that I really only have one hell week this final semester.
2. Already began on Sat, with the terrible flu. Left with only the running nose to deal with.
3. First job interview was a panel interview. COMPLETELY unprepared, but it could have been worse. I think. oh whatever, at least I won't be as nervous at other interviews.
4. At least I got to meet up with XH for an awesome lunch!
5. ESSAYS. Deadlines hanging over my head.
6. Can't wait for week13, more plans to hang out rather than study.
7. Exams are the last thing on my mind right now. Funny.
8. Japan trip shaping up! EXCITINGS
9. Using the iPhone. Not as user friendly as everyone things. Kept pressing the wrong keys.
10. But am now super connected in terms of tweet tweet and fb. LOL. Ms Chan and I, we be super fast in replying.
11. Seeing Hock's europe photos on fb makes me miss europe so so so much.
12. It's not just the sights and sounds, but the travelling and the journey. So much to see and learn.

Don't waste words.

In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.

Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.

- The Quiet World, Jeffrey McDaniel –